Steve’s podcast helps an Uber driver reclaim “I AM, SOMEBODY”
(Note: The author of this post, a Black man, originally spelled out the n-word used below.)
I was driving my Uber between passengers when a song came on that had me imagining myself in church, with a whole congregation, listening to that good ‘ole reliable gospel piano intro that immediately told me that all is well despite the storm. I knew what was coming next, Nina’s (Simone) courageous voice, gently whispering:
“I wish I knew how it would feel to be free.
I wish I could break all the chains holding me.
I wish I could say all the things I should say.
Say’em loud, say’em clear,
For the whole world to hear.
I wish you could know what it means to be me
Then you’d knows and agree that every man should be free.
My name is Tayari and I am a 63yo African American man who drives an Uber. In between passengers, I began listening to Steve’s podcast on AAPI Leadership, and realized I had better stop listening until I could pull over and take notes. Why? He was talking about shame in a way I had never considered before. So I pulled over and that’s when Nina came on. That song is a civil rights anthem that expressed the deep, yearning desire for personal and collective liberation from systemic oppression, racism and societal restraints. That song, and Steve’s podcast were a 1-2 combo invitation to consider the effects of shame like I never have before.
In the Black community we’d use language like inferiority complex to describe shame. This was heeped upon Black People as soon as we were forced on slave ships over 400 years ago and reinforced through laws, schools, and our white neighbors while growing up in the ‘60s and ‘70s. We experienced this shame through department store clerks, the slightest engagements with law enforcement and ultimately the White Jesus, as if God favors White people more than Black folks.
As Steve was talking about the effects of shame, I reopened the door and gazed at my life through this lens. As I looked in, I saw a whole warehouse of disheveled boxes, shelves, duct tape and unopened closet doors I just hadn’t examined before. I dug in and reflected on the early childhood shame I bore for simply being Black. I grew up in an all white neighborhood in San Francisco (the Portola District) where being called a nigger was an every other day event; the burden and humiliation made me shameful of my basic humanity, how God created me.
The next song that came on reminded me of the Black liberation struggle that consistently burns in my heart, “Panther” by German Artist, Linus Alberg. It’s soft piano ambient song with a shadowy and resonating bass. The song imbues a very focused, emotive ambiance like the Black Panther Party that was fighting and pushing back the forces of oppression. This song conjures a fight against external forces, but also against the internal forces that include the shame, humiliation, feeling flawed and not worthy.
Steve’s podcast addressed the power of honor serving the fight against internal forces that provided a pathway to reverse the shame. He shared how Black womanist theology helped him come to understand how racism imposes shame on people of color. Well the tables have turned because the Asian Community and Brother Steve in particular have motivated me to explore this real struggle of the Black inferiority complex in this White-centered society more deeply. We’re both benefitting from this cross cultural pollination. These are the kind of genuine relationships that are foundational to strong lasting coalitions that build more compassionate, just and harmonious societies.
Regarding the power of honor, the late Reverend Jesse Jackson popularized this chant of solidarity “I AM, SOMEBODY!” These words are decades old, but struck me powerfully as I drove this one passenger, a family friend, who got into a conversation about Malcom X with me, and asked why Malcom X fought the way he did. As I began talking about how the government carried out terrible things to Black people for hundreds of years, my passenger immediately responded “you mean like the Middle Passage where they stuffed Black people in the bottom of the ships, made them slaves, tortured, murdered, hung them and treated them horribly.” With eyebrows up, mouth wide open and my heart touched by his deep resonation I said, ”Exactly! And some of them were my actual relatives!!” My passenger was just as upset as me, was frustrated for me and blurted it out for me!! It’s as if he knew I couldn’t mouth the words myself, and he mouthed them for me, just as Rev. Jackson did for millions of people decades ago. Steve’s podcast helped me frame that conversation. It so spoke to the pain and suffering I could not express and I felt so seen on the primal heart level that I had to wipe the tears from my eyes. I AM, SOMEBODY!
Steve’s notes: Thank you Tayari for voicing things I could not write. You are much more than an Uber driver. I asked you to write because you were a community organizer long before I met you in the Black church we both attended during the Pandemic. When we both spoke at SFSU’s Ethnic Studies class, I knew you were going to bring treasures to the students, and now you’ve brought some of those treasures here. Thank you my friend.